Oops.I.did.it.again!

Her strawberry bubble gum scented breath tickles my nostrils and arouses my “other” senses when Britney purposefully leans in towards me and captures my mouth within hers.

We’ve been sat comfortably on the large leather sofa for the past two and a half hours and I guess you could say the position we’re now in is all thanks to the bottle of wine we’ve both shared. 

When I asked Britney the purpose of her visit she assured me it was all business related and that she wanted to discuss a possible collaboration with me. However, I didn’t realise until this very moment that the type of collaboration she was interested in had nothing to do with the musical kindwhatsoever. 

But me being me, well I was finding it hard (no pun intended) to say no to her mouth or her hands which had started to steadily make their way south towards my nether regions.

“Girl you’re gonna get me into trouble you know that?” 

“Mmmm,” is her only reply as she licks and sucks at the area just below my Adams apple.

Urgh if she keeps this up (sh!t I’m just full of puns tonight aren’t I?), well anyways like I was saying if she keeps this up there’s no way I’m gonna be able to back out and what I don’t need right now is to get my ass thrown into jail for this little cock tease! 

Even if she is doing a might fynnnne job of demonstrating her talented tongue skills, I guess she had to get to the top one way or another right?

‘No, no, stop it Mike!’ I hear that voice in my head say.

‘Break it off – NOW. Another piece of ass is NOT what you need right now Jackson, you hear me?’ 

Okay I think that was Jade’s voice I just heard inside my head!

“Uh, Brit, babe, hun…. Can you sto--- Oooo to the left a bit mmmmm yeah that it, yeah there’s my spot…”

Oh God it’s hopeless. I can’t… I don’t have the willpower… Oh dear Lord please don’t let her be a virgin.

My eyes clamp shut and I’m acutely aware that my breathing has picked up and I’m moaning like a dog in heat.

‘Okay you need to STOP now Jackson, come on man, just lift her off you and tell her to get going on her merry way.’

I…I… oh god…. Her tongue feels so good, oh sh!t I’m so hard right now.

“You smell so good Michaeeeeel,” she whispers in my ear before the little minx twirls her tongue inside a few times as her hand slowly rubs at the hard bulge beneath my pants.

“Oh God you need to stop,” I hear myself hiss, but my body betrays my words and next thing I know my fingers are digging into her hips and I’m grinding into her, trying my best to sooth this ache that’s steadily getting harder and harder with each passing second.

‘Jail bait Jackson that’s what you’ll be known from now on you hear me!’

F@ck off, I scream as loud as I can inside my head. I know what I’m doing, leave me alone. 

‘Yeah right, you mean like the time you banged that Latino pop star and ended up with the nastiest rash ever!’

That was a one off! I never tapped that a$$ again, I learnt my lesson! 

‘Did you Jackson? Did you really? Because by the looks of things you didn’t learn sh!t. This girl is a child – a CHILD you hear me!”

“Aaaaaarggggggggg,” I yell out in frustration which sees Britney jumping up from my lap and looking at me like a lost little puppy dog. 

“Michael… did I… do something wrong?” 

Oh god did her bottom lip just quiver? Please don’t cry on me!

“Uh sorry Brit, it’s just uh… well I don’t really think we should be doing this kind of thing… ya know I’m uh, well I’m old enough to be your father babe.”

“But I like you Michael, don’t you like me?” 

She starts to make a move towards me and ever so slowly I start to back away. Her quivering lip is now replaced with an upturned smirk and I swear if this girl didn’t look so sweet and innocent I would have bent her over the coffee table and had my wicked way with her – conscience or no conscience. 

“Well?” she asks, but what am I supposed to say? Tell the truth? The truth is I’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not like this chick in the physical sense, but I know I can’t keep getting myself into these predicaments, mainly for fear of:

a. I end up knocking up some random chick - again! (What you think Prince and Paris are my only children? Yeah right!)
b. I get thrown into prison for deflowering/raping a minor, 
c. The pres find out and they end up having a field day writing countless more sh!t articles about me, whilst having a good old laugh at me,
d. And finally, if this sh!t gets out I know Jade will crucify my ass. A year ago I wouldn’t have cared one iota, but, well things are different now. I’m trying to be different. Whi ch means little Miss “hit-me-baby-one-more-time” needs to get her a$$ gone and stat!

“Uh… of course I like you Brit, but--”


“But nothing Michael,” she says in a low seductive manner and before I know it she’s standing smack bang in front of me with her hands on my chest as she gives me that little lost puppy dog look again.


“You like me, I like you. We’re both adults-”


“We are?” I quickly interrupt. 


“Yes silly,” she chuckles lightly, “I’m nearly twenty-one.”


Well I’ll be damned! She’s more than legal! So what the hell am I worrying about? But before I can answer my silent question and let my conscience kick in once more, my mouth has already locked onto hers and just like that I guess you could say… oops I did it again!

What.You.See (Is.What.You.Get)!

“Uh, excuse me Mr. Jackson but you have a visitor sir.”

Is this guy for real? Does the words: 'I do not want to be disturbed by anyone for the next few hours' – mean a damn thing to this fool?

The look I throw him is more than enough for him to bow out of the room gracefully without a rebuttal before I go all Jackie Chan on his a$$. Well that is until Mother pops into my head and reminds me “manners Michael.”

“I’m sorry Marv,” I manage to say before he completely exits the room, “ just gimme a sec kay? I really need to make a phone call.”

“No problem sir, I’ll let the young lady know you’ll be out in a few.”

Young lady? Huh? I can't remember scheduling any appointments for today, especially with no young ladies!

Get it together Jackson, you need to speak to Jade remember?

I push the thoughts of my impromptu mystery visitor to the back of my mind and quickly dial Jades number before I chicken out altogether.

Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up. 

After the seventh ring my girl finally answers – or so I thought.

“Jade, girl please don’t hang up, I swear I can explain….” I ramble on for the next few minutes until I hear a throaty giggle that has me a little confused.

Wait. Did I dial the right number?

I look at the call screen of my cell and yup, it says “Jades Cell.”

So who the heck is this?

“Uhh is Jade there please?” I ask politely.

“Hmm that depends,” is the strange woman’s smokey reply.

“On what?”

“On who this is.”

“Well who are you?” I probe.

“I asked first.”

To say this woman’s husky voice wasn’t turning me on would be telling a bare faced lie. Even thought we’d only spoken a few words to each other she just had one of those voices. I’ve always been a sucker for talking on the telephone and women who had a raspy quality to their voice were a weakness of mine; hence marriage number one!

“Well my name is Michael.”

“Hmm I already know that, it says your name on the screen, but how d’ya know my girl?”

“Your girl?” I laugh. This has to be one of Jades “ghetto friends."

“Yeah my girl J, what’s so funny about that!”

“Okay babe calm down, you just sound a little….”

“A little what?”

“… spunky is all.”

“Mister, you have no idea. So ya gonna answer my question or what?”

“That depends,” her feistiness is seriously arousing more than my curiosity to find out exactly who she is. I shift slightly in my chair and readjust my little-big friend until... Ahhh that’s better!

“Okay I’ll play your game. That depends on what?”

“Gurllll I thought you’d never ask. It depends on what you’re wearing!” I smirk inwardly when she fails to shoot back a sassy reply – bingo! That shut the chick up. Hopefully now she’ll get off the phone and pass me over to Jade.

But boy was I wrong. Most chicks would have hung up on my a$$ by now. But not this little fish – I think I actually heard her moan when I asked her that question. This woman must be high!

“You have a sexxxxy voice,” she coes.

“Mmm well so do you,” is my reply.

“Are you f@cking Jade?” Woah that was a bit out of left field, wasn’t expecting that question!

“What? Huh? Uh no, no, I-I’m not,” I stammer. Sh!t way to go Jackson, now she's gonna think I am.

“But you’d like to yes?”

“Uhhh,” she’s got me there. More than anything, but I know that’s never going to happen. Heck she may not even speak to me ever again, never-mind about letting me get anywhere near her pun—

“Hmm I take that as a yes. If I was a man, I’d do her.”

Okay who is this chick and why haven’t I met her before now?

I cough repeatedly trying to dislodge the froggie that’s now stuck in the back of my throat and finally I gain my composure enough to ask—

“Girl what’s your name?”

“Nikita, but you can call me Kit as in Kitty Cat,” and I kid you not she actually purrs this into the phone.

Sh!t I think I may need a change of drawers before this call is through. Oh wait! I don't think I'm wearing any.

Well two can play at that game, “You mean as in pu$$y cat right?” Sorry but I couldn’t help myself. And hearing her hearty laugh crackle through the mouthpiece lets me know she doesn’t take offence to my little innuendo.

“Mmmm whatever floats your boat Mee-Kal.”

“You mean Michael right?”

“Whatever. So anyways Jade is sick can I take a message?”

“Am I boring you girl?”

“A little.”

Woah was that a stifled yawn I could hear? Me boring a woman? Never! If she only knew who she was really talking to right now, she’d be creaming her panties and begging me to stay on the line.

“Just let Jade know I called and tell her I need to speak to her urgently okay?”

“Sure thing Mee-Kal.”

“Michael,” I correct her again. If she’s trying to p!ss me off with her mispronunciation of my name, she’s no doubt succeeded.

“Whatever. I’ll tell her you called. Bye.”

“Wait, tell her I hope she feels bet--”

Before I can finish what I was going to say the dial tone rudely interrupts me. B!tch. She hung up on me? On me?

Ordinarily I’d be p!ssed. But the strange thing is, I’m actually kinda turned on by her blasé attitude towards me. It’s actually quite refreshing for a change. But let’s see if she keeps up that behaviour once we meet, because with a voice like honey and an attitude to boot, I knew I had to meet this girl one way or another. Just out of curiosity of course. After all she is Jades friend and she would no doubt have my guts for garters if I tried anything funny with her girl. But there’s no harm in looking every now and then is there?

Talking of looking, I guess I better go see who’s waiting for me.

A quick glance in the mirror to make sure I’m looking spruce enough for my mystery visitor and a dab of one of my many “smells” aka colognes and I’m all set.

I make my way towards the living room area of my suite and I’m immediately caught of guard when I see who it is waiting for me.

Her back is turned towards me, but I’d know that a$$ from anywhere. Her long blonde locks wildly cascade over her shapely shoulders and ends just above her delicious derrière. Shamelessly I continue to take in her appearance as I mindlessly lick my lips, my eyes trawl up and down her body trying to take in every curve and dip.

Her low slung jeans and short pink basque top leaves little to the imagination and when she spins around sensing my presence, I’m at a loss for words. Did she wear this outfit on purpose? I knew she was a little tease from some of the stuff her boyfriend had told me, but hawt damn is she trying to get a brother thrown into jail?

“Girl, does your momma know you leave the house looking like that?” is all I manage to say.

I watch the blonde buxom beauty twirl a strand of hair around her index finger whilst her mouth smacks open and shut chewing on a piece of gum.

“My momma came shopping with me when I bought these clothes. Don’t you like them?” she pouts, before loudly popping a bubble she's just blown.

‘Jackson, stay away from this one you hear me?’ my mind screams.

‘She’s jail bait,’ it taunts.

‘She has a boyfriend,’ it pleads.

'He looks up to you,' it reminds me.

‘What about Jade?’ it begs.

But no matter what my inner conscience throws at me, my jaw continues to hang slack, my eyes are fixed firmly on her assets which are bobbing up and down every time she inhales and exhales a breath, and unable to stop myself, I start to slowly swagger my way across the room towards her.

“Can I offer you a drink?” my mouth blurts out without my heads say so.

“I thought you’d never ask,” she drawls in that cute Southern accent of hers.

Have I ever mentioned how much of a sucker I am for accents? No?

Well let’s just say I need to start repenting right here, right now, because Lord help me, I think I’m about to sin!

Mojito.Madness!

She didn’t want to feel this way.

She didn’t want to feel hurt, let down or have her ego bruised. But knowing that their friendship would be tossed to the side every time he needed to get his leg over or “go chase his nut” as he liked to call it, was starting to irritate her more than ever.

For some unknown reason, she felt completely and utterly sick to her stomach just thinking about it. From day one he never once gave her any grand illusions as to what he really was – a womanizer, and he seemed to be a mighty damn proud one at that!

But lately, every time he mentioned one of his little “sex-capade’s” in passing, the mere thought of him being with another woman made her feel nauseas.

When did that happen?

Yes they had always been close. Yes they had each swapped intimate details including their previous relationships over the five years they’d known each other, but it had never bothered her in the past.

So what had changed?

Jesus Christmas when did this all get so complicated?

“Hey J you home?”

“In here Kit.”

Nikita or Kit as Jade affectionately dubbed her friend of eleven years only a week after they had met, were best of friends and had been ever since college. They had both attended UCLA (well Jade did, Kit only managed to stick it out for a measly six months until she decided to focus on her modelling career full time), had immediately bonded when they both discovered each other’s mutual love of fashion.

The first week had been hate at first sight. Nikita thought Jade was a little too snooty for her liking and Jade thought Nikita came across as some airhead bimbo. But then one day, when Nikita spotted Jade sporting something that looked a lot like a Dior creation fresh from the spring collection, she knew she was a girl after her own heart. Within minutes of introducing herself, Nikita made such an impact on Jade that thankfully she managed to push her pre conceptions of the leggy brunette to the side and ever since that day, they had been the best of buds.

Over the years they had become more like sisters. They shared apartments, cars, clothes, make-up, jewellery and sometimes had even dated the same guys. Although they hadn’t done that for a long time now, well not since ’94 anyway, when it all ended in tears. But to say they were close would be a complete understatement. They shared a special kind of bond which meant they were completely in tune with one another and it was exactly this intuitive streak which scared Jade right now. Kit had this “spidey” sense when it came to her friend – she always seemed to know when something was up. And even though she wasn’t in a very talkative mood right now, Jade knew Kit would find a way to make her talk one way or another.

‘Might as well perk myself up’ Jade thinks to herself ‘before the cat gets well and truly let out of the bag.’

After all, it hadn’t been as easy task over the years keeping hers and Michael friendship a secret, but the way she was feeling right now – well she wasn’t feeling all that confident that Kit wouldn’t fail to see past the miserable state she was in.

“Hey hot momma whatcha up to?”

“Baking cookies.”

“Oh sh!t what happened?”

Kit knew that when Jade brought out the baking tray and oven mitts something was most definitely up.

“Nothing happened, absolutely nothing, what you talking about, can’t a girl bake some cookies once in a while?”

Yup! Kit was right, something was most definitely awry. If Jade covered in cookie dough wasn’t proof enough, then the speed freak babble that was coming out of her mouth most certainly was.

“Okay J first of all step away from the bowl, put the whisk on the counter and back the f.uck up.” Kit was trying her very best to keep cool but she knew she was only a mili-second away from cracking up.

She just couldn’t help it. Jade was so easy to wind up and once she got her going she knew eventually she would spill the beans and get it all off her chest.

“Girl you trippin’, why are you here anyway? I thought you had a photo shoot today?”

“I did but that little f.ucker Jean-Claude cancelled on me at the last minute. But screw him. And by the way, don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject.”

“Hmp,” was Jades reply as she continued to frantically beat some eggs and flour together.

“I’ll get it out of you one way or another chica, but until then how about a Mojito or two eh?”

“Are you for real? It’s eleven o’clock in the morning?”

“And your point is?" Kit shrugged.

“Fine, Rum is in the pantry, Soda’s in the fridge. Line ‘em up I gotta go freshen up first.”

After a quick shower and change Jade made her way back towards the kitchen and couldn’t help herself from cracking up into a fit of giggles when she saw what Kit was up to.

The scene before Jade actually made her forget for a second or two about Michael and his shady a$$. And she had a funny feeling that this was exactly Kit’s intention – to make her forget for a while about whatever/whoever it was that was eating away at her and she couldn’t help but think how lucky she was to have a friend like her.

“Bay-be-bay-be-bay-beeeeeee, what’s it gonna be….” Kit was too busy miming into a wooden spoon to notice Jade stood in the doorway, or so Jade thought. With one arm firmly holding the utensil to her mouth and one arm twirling the air rapidly above her head, she continued to mime her way through one of Jade’s favourite songs until the chorus kicked in and then Jade couldn’t resist, she just had to join in with Kits wackiness.

“Do you want him, or do you want meeeeeeeee, cuz I want youuuuuuuuuu….” They both yell into the spoon whilst grinning at each other like a pair of loons. Right here, right now, this was reminding them both of the good old days when neither of them had a care in the world and the only thing they had to worry about was what they were gonna wear to the club on a Friday night.

‘Since when did life become so complicated?’ Jade thought to herself.

After the song finished they both crumpled into a fit of giggles and before long were both throwing back Mojitos like they were going out of fashion. When they got tired of mixing the concoction, they moved on to shots – neither seemed to mind that it wasn’t even noon yet.

They continued to reminisce and giggle like a pair of hyenas until Jade could feel the familiar wave of nausea was over her.

“Oh sh!t babe, I think I’m gonna--” before she could even say it, Jade clasped a hand firmly across her mouth, jumped up out of her seat and was bolting to the bathroom as though her life depended on it.

“Girl never could hold her drink!” Kit chuckled as she poured herself another shot.

“Damn this ish is good J, you don’t know what you’re missing, how about a little more Prince?” Kit yells out before turning up the sound system, mainly to drown out the noise come from the bathroom.

Before long the sound of Jodeci’s Freak Me Baby starts to emit from the kitchen counter and once again Kit is giggling like a silly schoolgirl with a crush.

“Hahahahaha girl when you gonna change this damn ringtone?” Kit holler’s down the hall to Jade.

“You want me to answer your cell for you babe?”

“URGGGGHHHHHHH UMMMPPPPPP URRRRRRGGGGGGG,” is Jade’s reply.

“I take that as a yes?” Kit chuckles to herself, before turning her attention back to Jades cell. Ooooo I wonder who Mykal is?

Unwanted.distractions!

The only problem with having feelings for one woman whilst screwing around with another is that it messes with your mojo – BIG TIME!

Celeste was looking might fynne last night and Junior was more than happy to see her, but even though my body was completely digging what we were doing – my mind was some place else.

Every time I closed my eyes Jade’s face would pop into my head. The guilt I felt for bailing on her at the last moment was starting to gnaw away at me and it was frustrating as hell.

When do I ever feel guilty about anything where woman are concerned? Since when did I sprout this moral conscience, when did that happen? Last time I felt like this I was totally screwed over, my heart was broken into a gazillion and one tiny pieces and I was left with a bruised ego to boot! And ever since that day, I vowed to never everlet any woman get within a hundred yards of my heart, so how the f@ck did Jade slip through the net?

She could be just as annoying as a woodpecker at dawn, crazier than a bag of frogs on meth and more bitter than a box of lemons but still she has me buggin’ hard over her.

Last night, I imagined that every nibble, suck and kiss from Celeste was actually from Jades plump, juicy lips. Every caress of Celeste’s small hands had my mind in a tailspin as I kept imagining them to be Jades. When I ran my fingers through Celeste’s hair, in my mind it was Jade’s soft curls that ignited the flames deep inside my loins.

When we finally joined and became one, even though I was buried deep inside Celeste, I lost myself to the thoughts of what Jade would feel like, and at one point it was her face that was staring back at me, it was her warmth that was massaging my member, it was her nails that were digging hungrily into my back clawing at my flesh like some kind of fiend.

Oh god the woman was seriously messing with my head and there was nothing I could to do about it. In fact I’m pretty sure I called out her name a couple of times in the heat of the moment, but Celeste being Celeste didn’t even bat an eyelid. My little slip of the tongue did nothing to deter her from giving me what I needed and I was extremely relived for this afterwards. She reassured me that she wanted nothing from me except my body.

I asked her if she was offended, but she merely shrugged her shoulders and told me I was being silly, that what we had was nothing more than the physical act of two people enjoying each other’s bodies. Hence the reason I’ve kept her around for so long I guess. Unlike most of my other female “relationships” in the past, Celeste has never once been clingy, acted like a loon or thought what we had was anything more than what it was – sex with no strings attached.

Come to think of it, I guess you could say she’s the male version of myself. And even though I know I’m not her only lover, she never fails to come back for more because as she likes to inform me every now and then, “No one does me like you do Mikey!”

And to say that hearing this has never once boosted my ego would be a lie, I got a huge kick out of knowing this. But how is Jade ever going to take me serious if I keep f@cking around like a jack rabbit on crack! Urgh I’m so confused.


“Daddy, daddy your home. We missed you daddy.”

“Look what I made for you daddy.”

“Daddy come have breakfast with us.”

“Daddy come sit by meeeeeeeeeeeee.”

“I want pancakes daddy.”

“Nooooooo Frech toast daddy.”

“Woah guys calm down a minute, one at a time eh and let’s use our bed time voices; we don’t want to wake up the entire neighborhood now do we?”

As soon as I entered the condo the kids were on me like white on rice. On the drive back over here I prayed that I would prevent them from seeing me sneak in at this hour, but like my mojo, I guess my timing is shot to sh!t also.

Thankfully I manage to shush the children into the kitchen and they immediately begin to whisper at my insistence that we remain somewhat quiet.

The truth of the matter is, with it being 7am in the morning I so do not need a lecture form Grace or anyone else from my staff right now. Mind you, not that any of the others would dare to question my where abouts or comings and goings but Grace, well she would just love to save my soul and claim it for herself. Well she can keep dreaming - that ship sailed a long time ago and sloppy seconds is really not my style. Been there, done that, got the scars on my back to prove it!

So after settling the children at the kitchen table and with promises that I’ll be right back to make them their favourite treat – French toast, I make a beeline to my bedroom as fast as I possibly can with this duff foot. If I can slip on a pair of pyjamas before Grace sees me, then I'll be home free and she’ll be none the wiser.

“Good night was it Michael?”

Dammit. I was almost there.

I turn around slowly and lo and behold I see Grace leaning just inside the doorway of the children’s bathroom and she's obviously p!ssed. Her arms are thrown confrontationally over her chest, her one leg is crossed in front of the other and a scathing look - which if the daggers she was throwing with her eyes could kill, I’d definitely be ten feet under - is plastered across her face. Uh oh, here we go.

3… 2… 1…

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little too old to be sneaking around like this Michael?”

And there it is.

“Grace, remind me again of your job title?”

She knows exactly where I’m going with this question because we’ve had this same discussion a dozen and one times before now. And I hate to admit it, but I take a small amount of pleasure when I see her eyes squint together when she throws me “the look” before she turns on her heels and trots of downstairs in a huff.

I know I shouldn’t be so mean but I’m really in no mood to be told what I should and shouldn’t be doing at my age. Heck I’m a grown a$$ single man and I can do who I want, when I want, where I want and there ain’t nothing Grace nor anybody else can do about it!

Ah sh!t. Jade!

As if one p!ssed off woman wasn’t enough to contend with this morning I knew sooner or later I’d have to answer to her. Excuse my language but she could be quite the b!tch when she wanted to be.

Funnily enough, for some reason this little predicament I’m in right now has my mind sailing back to five years ago. Come to think about it, she really hasn’t changed all that much since then, so why I'm feeling the way am about her is confusing the life out of me. She could definitely give the ice queen a run for her money!

She was twenty-four when I met her.

I was thirty-eight and recently divorced…

The Sapphire Lounge
Los Angeles
Friday, April 5th 1996

I’d just finished wrapping up a long day of filming for my Ghosts short film when at the last minute I decided I needed a stiff drink and thought this was the ideal opportunity to make good use of the fat suit I’d been wearing all day. I’d worn disguises when I went on these little outings before in the past, but this one, this one actually transformed me into a completely different person. There was no way in the world I was going to miss out on an opportunity to live like a regular person for once, even if it was only for a few hours at the most.

So I settled into a booth in the back of this little hotspot I’d been hearing about, adjusted my wig, straightened my tie and prayed to Jehovah that tonight wouldn’t be one of those nights where I ended up getting busted. Usually when I made these little ventures out into the general population all on my lonesome – disguise or no disguise, it normally ended with me bolting out of the nearest exit and into the safe haven of my chauffeured driven car that has been patiently waiting on my return.

Most of the time I was high tailing out of these joints because some over-sexed fan had recognized me and had decided to announce my presence to the entire club by screaming like a freakin’ banshee and this night I really did’t need that sh!t.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my fans and every now and then I actually proved my love for them by giving them a taste of said love; but this night I wanted to relax, kick back, have a few drinks and heck if I managed to score with a non-fan it would’ve been a bonus. Was it wrong for me to want to unwind and live like normal folks do for a few hours, was that too much for me to ask?

“What can I get for ya’ Mister.”

I looked up to see a pretty young thing smacking her lips and chewing on big red like it was going out of fashion. Unashamed and extremely horny, I ogled at her goodies, looking her up and down as I greedily drunk in her shapely chocolate thighs, full lips, wide expressive brown orbs and curly hair that looked so soft to the touch that I had this overwhelming urge to reach out and run my fingers through it.

“Urgh you wanna take a picture?”

“Huh?” Is all I managed to get out as my brain continued to quickly migrate southwards between my legs.

“Pft why do I always manage to pick the creeps,” I heard her mumble not so quietly underneath her breath, her hand was now fiercely perched on her hip.

Uh oh, I gulped. I knew that stance from anywhere, having lived with three sisters and seeing my sister-in-laws give this same attitude to my brothers over the years, I knew right then and there I'd crossed some invisible line. Yup it was a world record, I’d only been there for a minute or so and I was already in big trouble!

I quickly managed to tear my eyes away from her ample cleavage that was threatening to bust lose from her tight white shirt and gulped back on my embarrassment.

“I said you wanna take a picture? It’ll last longer jerk!” Her icy tone was not lost on me and I began to shift in my seat, fumbling with my shirt collar slightly embarrassed and aware that her finger-snapping attitude was causing a few curious glances to be thrown our way.

“Uh gimme a Jack and Coke please,” I managed to say in my soft-head voice, over exaggerating my last word in hopes that she would excuse my blatant pervy behaviour, drop the ‘tude and stop attracting attention to us.

I heard her make a loud tut with her gum, watched her thrust her tray under her arm as she turned on her heels, flicked her baby-soft curls over her shoulder and sashayed that cute little rump of hers back to the bar to place my order.

All I kept thinking was: smooth Jackson, very smooth - not!

I couldn't help but notice that the female patrons in the booth opposite had continued to stare at me like I was some kind of pervert and this had me sinking a little lower in my seat. I was starting to think this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I could have just stayed in the bar at the hotel and got drunk or even attacked the mini-bar in my room for f.ucks sake!

But nooooo, I had to get out didn’t I?

Sh!t way to go Mike!

So after a few minutes of blatant stares, whispers and giggles from the single-white females sat opposite me, finally they turned their attention back to their idle chit-chat and I eagerly let go of the huge breath I’d been seemingly holding since lil’-Miss-Sunshine abruptly turned on her stiletto heels and left me with my nose wide open.

Man what-a-b!tch! 

Oh god I’m not sure I have the strength to face her at this time in the morning. But with it only being two am on the West coast I know she’ll still be awake.

She’s an insomniac just like me and there have been plenty of times we’ve stayed up until six in the morning simply talking about random stuff in order to pass the time.

And the longer I leave it, the more p!ssed she’s gonna get. I know how she operates and I can’t have her going to sleep still mad at me, that’ll only make matters worse and I’ll never hear the last of it.

I bet I can kiss goodbye to her little pep talks too. I just hope she doesn’t tell me to go take a running jump like she did the last time I stood her up. Two whole weeks she didn’t speak to me. Can you believe that? And that time I had a genuine reason – I was sick, with the stomach flu. Although come to think of it, it could have been the three bottles of chardonnay that Celeste and I had downed, but Jade wasn’t to know that. Crap! There’s no way she’s going to buy any of my BS this time. Guess I might as well get this over with.

So with a quick visit to the restroom and only after I had procrastinated long enough to have mustered up the courage I need to deal with a tongue lashing from Jade, I pull out my cell.

Huh.

That’s odd.

Only one missed call? And only one voicemail left? Last time there were at least six!

Voicemail lady: Message received today at one fifteen am.

Jade: I hope she was worth it!

Voicemail Lady: End of message.

Just.in.time!

“Great speech Mr. Jackson…”

“You look fabulous tonight Mr. Jackson…”

“Who are you wearing Mr. Jackson...?”

“Is it true you’re going to be selling the Beatles catalogue Mr. Jackson…?”

“How did you break your foot Mr. Jackson…?”

Damn these stupid reporters. My response to their unoriginal questions, in the exact same order they were asked were: thanks, thanks, mind your damned business, hell to the NO and fool if you had been paying attention to my speech I already answered that question! Well I won’t lie I answered all of these in my head and simply chuckled to myself inwardly – Oh if they only knew the truth. But instead of sullying my good name and showing a side of me that only a select few people get to see, I simply smiled, humbly clasped my hands together, bowed my head and thanked them from the bottom of my heart for their support. Yeah right.
God I need a drink!

I forgot how boring and stifling these events had become over the years and tonight was no exception. Even the red headed chick that was sat opposite me wearing the most gravity defying dress I had ever seen in my life did little to keep me interested. Even with her t!tties hanging out. Urgh what is wrong with me?

Ordinarily I would have bumped her up a few seats until she was sat next to me, made a little small talk before convincing her she looked like a woman who needed some fun, she looked like a woman who needed to get with a guy like me. I would have thrown her a wink, refreshed her wine glass and within an hour she would have been putty in my hands. Heck make that half an hour I was that good.

But what did I do?

Nada. Niets. Diddly squat.

Why did I do nothing?

Beats the sh!t out of me. But since I got here all I’ve wanted to do is drive up to the nearest KFC order me a bucket of original chicken, some corn, biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy and a nice bottle of Crown Royal to wash it all down with, before settling in for the night with Jades voice in my ear.

Jade, Jade, Jade, Jade, Jade. 

God I’ve got it bad for this girl. I have no idea when these feelings started, but all I know is that I’ve got Jade on the brain morning, noon and night. And tonight’s “phone date” as she likes to call them, has me anxious like a school boy waiting for their prom date to arrive.

Urgh snap out of it Jackson, like you need another woman in your life to complicate things even further. 

“Hey Mike what did you think of my introduction man?” I turn to see Justin eagerly bouncing his way over to me , the huge grin on his face is like that of a Cheshire cat. Someone seems pleased with himself. Then again with Britney dressed the way she was tonight, I'd be grinning like a fool too.

We bump fists and he immediately engulfs me in a bear hug. The kid has really taken a shine to me and I must admit it feels good to know that I’m still respected by the up-and-comings in my field.

“You did a great job up there Justin, I appreciate it man.”

I must admit, N’Sync did a wonderful job at introducing me to the podium and Justin’s play on words during his speech was definitely unique. I just wish I didn't have to endure watching him and his blonde chick sucking each others face off all night.

“Mike we wouldn’t have missed it for the world. You’re my idol man. I’d do anything for you. Say we’re gonna hit up a club in a bit you wanna join us?”

I watch my little protégé bop up and down on the balls his heels like a kid that’s eaten too much candy corn and I stifle back a giggle. His energy is infectious but the last thing I want right now is to spend the night watching him and Britney drooling over one another whilst Lance drools over me!

“Nah that’s okay man you go enjoy yourself, I gotta get back to my kids anyway.”

“Come on mannnnnnnnnnn,” Justin whines like a girl and gives me a look similar to that of a little lost puppy dog.

Before I can think of expanding on my excuse as to why I couldn't possibly go out with these tweens, my cell vibrates inside my jacket pocket and when I see the caller ID I can’t help but smirk. Saved by the cell!

“Hold that thought Justin will ya.” I say as I turn my back on him for a brief moment and sigh a breath of relief into my cell phone.

“Ciao Bello,” I hear her smooth-like honey voice whisper into the mouth piece before I can say hello.

“Gurrrl you always know when to save the day you know that.”

I hear her giggle her sweet infectious laughter before she sighs, “You need some company tonight lover?”

“Mmmmmmmmm,” I hear myself moan in reply. The way she says lover, the letter “r” rolling off her tongue in that sexy Italian accent of hers...

Oh god that talented tongue of hers... visions of our last encounter flash before my eyes.

Damn is it hot in here all of a sudden?

“Is that a yes?” She giggles seductively.

“That’s a hell yes girl, but you sure it’s not too late for you? And what about my foot?” Looking down at my watch I see it's already a quarter after twelve and I know it will take me at least an hour to get out of this pandemonium of a circus and into the safe haven of my little rendezvous crib that I use for occasions just like these.

“Baby it’s never too late for you. And believe me, you don’t need your feet for what I have in mind. ”

I grin to myself. I guess tonight won’t be such a letdown after all.

“Just do me a favor Celeste?”

“Anything for you baby.”

“Bring me a classic chicken 12 piece bucket from KFC and don’t forget the gravy I’m starving!”

“Ahahahahaha got it. Ciao lover, see you in a bit.” She makes a few kissy noises into the receiver before she hangs up and I quickly scan my surroundings for the nearest exit. I signal one of my minders and he nods his head in understanding. It’s time to get me out of here and fast.

I feel a slight twinge of remorse when Jade suddenly pops back into my head. Oh well I guess our phone date will have to wait until tomorrow. I just hope she doesn’t get mad at me. The last time I bailed on her I had to fit the bill for a pair of very expensive haute couture Jimmy Choo’s to keep her from b!tching at me.

Urgh women! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em!

I.ain’t.feeling.it!

“Hey Kar you think you could go easy with that stuff?” I gently push her hand away before she can sponge on even more liquid foundation than is necessary to my already made-up face, but my long-term friend and beautician of twenty-something years simply ignores my futile pleas and continues to dab ruthlessly at my skin.

Feeling frustrated I sigh and slump back into my chair. After all these years I should know better – once Karen is in the zone there is no snapping her out of it. As she likes to remind me, “I am her blank canvas and I should respect her craft.”

Pft. Whatever.

The way she’s going the audience is going to think Latoya is here tonight as a stand in for my induction into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Yes I look that made up - I actually look like a girl!

“Michael why are you so crabby tonight? Anyone would think you weren’t happy to be receiving this accolade.” I watch her pout and take out her frustration on a Kohl pencil as she tosses it into her case before throwing her arms across her chest, then throws me “the look” which signifies she’s waiting for a suitable explanation for my behaviour.

“I’m sorry Turkle I guess I’m just tired is all.” I fake a stifled yawn and make my lame ass excuse in an attempt to throw her off a scent which I know if I let my guard down for even a second, sniffer dog here will pounce all over that bone and will never let it go until I spill the beans.

A few seconds pass where she tries her best to suss out if I’m telling the truth or not and content that I am indeed being honest, she picks up where she left off and attacks my already heavily painted face, only this time she switches her focus onto my eyes.

I sigh.

There’s no reasoning with this chick so I guess tonight the drag queen look it’ll be!

I really should’ve fired her ass when I had the chance, but finding a semi-trustworthy makeup artist in Hollywood is a rarity and call me a sentimental old fool but we’ve shared some good times together, even if at times she is a freakin’ big mouth.

Yes she’s a little aloof and stalker-ish at times, pertaining to know everything there is to know about me and be all up in my business, but in all fairness she’s harmless enough and most of the time she does a pretty good job at making me feel dare-I-say-it handsome. But tonight, well Paris could have done a better job!

So after ten more minutes of polite indulgence on my part, I tell her nicely to go take a hike and go mingle so I can chill for a while. I should be over the moon that I’m receiving this accolade but the truth is, like my make-up, tonight I.ain’t.feeling.it. 

I guess you could say I got woman trouble. Or trouble(s) seeing as though I got a couple on the go right now. I’ve never been one to discriminate or turn down a female if they show even the slightest hint of interest, hence the reason for my two failed marriages. But now, well now it’s starting to be a royal pain in the caboose.

Coupled with the fact that almost daily I’m getting lectures from my Rabbi friend Schmuley on how I should be trying to find a “good woman” to take care of me and the children, well sometimes I think is all of this hoe-ing around worth it?

But I’m a Jackson, it’s in my blood. And the truth is – I love women.

I guess you could say I’m an equal opportunity lover. Yep I love dem girlz!

Short girls, tall girls, skinny girls, chunky girls, young girls, old girls, brown girls, white girls, Asian girls, Indian girls – well you get the picture!

Talking of girls—

“What up sexy?”

“What up? Sexy? Mike are you high?”

“Girl, why do you always got to be negative?”

“Why you always gots to answer a question with a question?”

“Well why do you always have to sound so ghetto?” I crack up when I hear her huff into the phone, I can picture her now – her forehead frowning, her lips pouting like a fish, gosh she’s so cute when she’s angry.

“Okay I was calling you to say break a leg but now I think I’m gon’ change that to I hope you break your neck instead.”

“Sweetie I think you just may have hurt my feelings.” I continue to tease and provoke my very good female friend of five years.

“Well you have to have a heart to hurt feelings in the first place boy.”

“Guuuuurl if you let me have my wicked way with you – you would not be calling me no damn boy.”

“Ew Mike I keep telling you that’s neeeeeeeever gonna happen.”

“J the more you run the harder I will chase, one day girl, one day we’re going to make swe—“

The sound of someone’s knuckles wrapping on the door interrupts our conversation, dammit. I was so close to breaking her down, I could feel it.

“Uh Mr. Jackson s-sorry to interrupt you sir but the ceremony is about to start.” I nod my head in understanding at one of my goons before he slips out of the door giving me privacy once again.

“Jade sweetie you know you’re my little ray of sunshine in a sad, gloomy, dark world right?”

“Pft whatever Mike, I’m yo’ reality check and don’t you forget it!”

I giggle at her forced ghetto-ness and promise to call her later to let her know all of the “goss” on N-Sync and if Lance really is gay. Like I give a sh!t. But I’ll humor my friend all the same ‘cuz I may need some of her priceless advice a bit later on.

Inroduction

Synopsis: A Mack Daddy is a pimp-a-licous man who gets anything he wants! Michael is THE ultimate MD. But will he be able to get the one person his heart truly desires when the ultimate test is thrown his way? Guess you'll have to read on to find out.

Timeline: 2001 onwards

Genre: Parody, humor, romance, a little bit of drama but all written in good fun.

Rating: R – there will be some adult content here and there.

Main characters: 
Michael – 42 years old, singer/entertainer, part-time lover.
Jade – friend of Michaels, Model/actress by day, agony aunt/shrink to Michael by night.
Nikita – long time friend of Jade’s, also a model and a femme fetale sort of woman.

Supporting Characters: will be updated as the story progresses.